A Wegman's recently opened up scant minutes from my Phoenixville home, and after logging 14 miles on a bicycle in shoes with the toes cut out I finally got the chance to sample their beer selection. If you're not a native Pennsylvanian, let me make a few things clear:
1. We have shitty Puritan leftover blue laws that make our bars close at 2 am and prevented us from buying beer on Sunday until this year.
2. In the Philadelphia region, our beer selection is amazing. Philly is the greatest beer city in the USA. Prove me wrong.
3. We can't buy beer in units smaller than a case unless it's from a pizza parlor with high prices and ass selection.
So I walked into this grocery store and bought some beer. Until about a year ago, this also was unheard of in our state. I know you can buy booze at gas stations in pretty much the rest of America, but being able to buy beer and EZ Cheez in the same stop is still a little novel to me. But, despite the novelty of it all, I was not overwhelmed by the treasures to be had. In fact, I was a little let down because my #1 beer in the whole wide world, Dupont's Biere de Miel, was nowhere to be seen. Instead, I got two bottles of Saison Dupont (suspiciously the only Dupont brewery offering to be seen) and my intended target, Dogfish Head's Midas Touch.
Dogfish Head is based out of Rehoboth Beach, Delaware but as far as I know is actually not gay. They make a lot of tasty beers, including the definitive overly spiced but still highly drinkable harvest-time brew, Punkin Ale. Their Midas Touch beer is something I've been waiting to get my grubby little paws on for quite some time - I've heard nothing but good things about it, and it's the sort of adventure in brewing that piques my interest as high-brow alcoholic. Here's the story of the beer: 2700 years ago, the real-life King Midas got buried in some sort of Turkish death vault with a bunch of kingly accouterments. Some of these accouterments apparently held beer. When Midas's tomb was excavated, plucky archaeologists found the residue of this beer on the iron remnants of these ancient coffers. Even pluckier beer nerds analyzed these residues, presumably while pushing up their glasses and sputtering Jerry Lewis-style mannerisms, calculating the ingredients which had made Midas's brew. Hooray for these beer nerds, and a bigger hooray for Dogfish Head for making it.
After one: Great beer. The first thing you notice is the bouquet - you can smell an open bottle of this stuff from across the room. And it smells like BEER. Like it triggers some primal yearning buried deep within the double helix of my DNA. These weigh in at 9% ABV, and in a testament to prehistoric manliness they make no effort to hide it. Instead, the alcohol flavor is balanced with the other ingredients as just another part of the flavor. The bottles declare that white grapes and saffron are part of the recipe, and I can totally taste them. At least the white grapes, because honestly I thought saffron was a color. Speaking of color, this might be the prettiest beer I've ever seen. It's a perfect golden color, darker at the top of my wine glass than at the narrow bottom. And yes, I am drinking this out of a wine glass. Get over it. The beer has a great effervescence, sort of champagne-like, and just a wonderful flavor. It's floral, but it never stops being a "real beer." I have no doubt that the 4-pack I bought will not live to see morning.
After two: Still great. If anything, I'm enjoying this one a little more because it's had time to chill a little longer than the first. The sensational taste hasn't changed much, although I think the more delicate grape notes are a little easier to taste. The honey comes through a bit more as well. The real mind-blower here is just how old this recipe is. 2700 years. 700 years before anyone had heard of Christ. Something like 500 years after the dinosaurs if you're a creationist. The Iron Age. Before Columbus. Before the Crusades. Before 9/11. This shit is old. And good.
After three: For some reason, I can't get Miley Cyrus's "Party in the USA" out of my head. A 9% beer is nothing to sneer at, and these ancient drinkers must have had a lot of good times on this stuff. I am starting to understand ancient mysteries. If you gave me a steady diet of this stuff, I really think I could drag enough limestone for you to build some pyramids. I wouldn't complain. It's tasty. Movin' my hips like yeah. Draggin' your giant pyramid stones like yeah.
After four: My first thought is how sad I am that these came in a four-pack, not a sixer. My second thought is how much good beer there must have been before the advent of Christ. Not that He took it away, but just that the brewmasters of the ancient world had a lot of free time on their hands to invent really tasty stuff. Also, I'm lit up like a Christmas tree. Not enough that I'm in any danger, but definitely enough that I could forget I drag stones for a dead king's pyramid for a living and have to do it again tomorrow morning, and every tomorrow morning for as long as I live. Actually, that might be better than what I do now. At least I'd get a tan and a totally ripped physique. Shredded like a Julienne salad. Attention potential monument-oriented slave owners - email me. Seriously.
Final thoughts: This beer held its great flavor throughout the session, and I can't wait to get my hands on more. Drinking something with such ancient roots is a pretty cool experience too. I got a little bit of the same chills I had when I walked up the Parthenon steps. I mean, humans have been around for a long time, doing the same stupid shit. Drinking what our ancestors drank thousands of years ago is the perfect way to pay some respects to the folks who had the good sense to get it on and keep the race going so that people like you and me could sit in front of our computers and write about beer. It's a little slice of the dream. And it's absolutely delicious.
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